Before you start wondering how do I know Avani so well, let me introduce myself. This may come as a surprise to you, but I don’t have a name. Now, for the bit that would either make you smirk or smile, depending upon how open you are to the idea of a Guardian Angel. Regardless of your opinion on the idea, I am just that. A Guardian Angel. We don’t have names. Generally, we address one another, which is very rare, by the way, by our respective child’s name.

In my case, that would make me Avani. Well, I understand your dilemma. There cannot be two Avanis in one story. You’ll be confused like hell. Oh, don’t act all high and mighty. Angels can use that word, you know. We don’t burn into a pile of ash at the mention of hell. So, I suppose you can call me, not that you’ll need to address me, AG — short for Avani’s Guardian Angel. You’ll know about my special powers, which are very limited, btw, as I narrate this particular part of her life.

Avani’s love life was always a mess. She took the “play it cool” attitude too far. For the life of her, she could not comprehend the reason for her forever-single status. Am I emitting a certain vibe? Is there something terribly wrong with me that repels the opposite sex? She would contemplate all sorts of questions in her head, but, unfortunately, she would never reach to the real reason. If you ask me, she just wasn’t ready for love. Even though she was twenty-three years old, at her heart, she was still a teenager. When most of the girls were focusing on boys, she was focusing on books, sky, birds, animals, trees, and everything in between. You get the idea, don’t you?

Despite her innocence, Avani had to marry someone. Soon! Don’t judge me, my dear reader. It was not my opinion; her mom nagged her day and night with this subject. In her mom’s viewpoint, if she took too long, all the “good guys” would be married, and she’ll have to take her pick from the pile of rejects. Whatever the hell that means! I would have screamed that she wasn’t ready for romance, let alone marriage, but alas, humans can’t hear me. I can just send signs, but mostly, even those remain unnoticed.

Finally, tired of her mom’s incessant badgering, Avani made her profile on one of the matrimonial sites. I don’t care about the name of the website, and that’s not even relevant. As she scrolled through endless names and faces of men that matched her criteria, she liked a few, actually. Her inclination toward these selected few had nothing to do with their qualifications or job profile or earning, for that matter. That, right there, was the first of many signs that she was just not ready for marriage. Who was listening to me, anyway!

When one of the faces intrigued her too much, I attempted to avert an imminent heartbreak by freezing the page. She just could not click on his name to read more about him. I knew he would cause her much grief, and I could not let that happen. Fate, however, had very little sympathy for my cause. To my dismay, she received a message from him on her matrimonial page. His breezy message was full of sh*t, excuse my language, but he boils me up. See for yourself and tell me if you don’t smell sh*t all over this message:

Whether you can feel his intentions or not, Avani’s dilated pupils sent a clear sign of her interest in the creep. She was smitten by his looks. Even I must admit that he was a handsome twenty-five-year-old boy. With his almond-shaped chestnut brown eyes, warm skin tone, greek nose, defined cheekbones, full lips, and muscular build, he was the perfect specimen of a male model. Yet, he wasn’t a model. He was a supervisor in a BPO. Avani’s daydreams of marrying him began right from that moment. I wanted to shake him out of this nightmare, but, of course, I couldn’t.

Soon, they were texting each other relentlessly. It’s been almost ten days of their “romantic escapade,” but they hadn’t even touched the subject of marriage. The only time Samarth used this word was to sell a crappy story about his need to form a connection with a girl before even thinking of marriage. Why didn’t he create a profile on a dating site, then? Did our innocent Avani raise that question? Nope! Instead, she not only agreed to take it slow but admitted that she had the same intention. No, she did not. She had no intention of getting into any of it.

Avani was under the spell of his fake charms. Every day, she would wake up with his endearing texts and sleep only after receiving a good night text from him. Days soon turned into a month, and there was no real progress in their “relationship.” They were both in the same city, yet Samarth never planned to meet her. A little voice inside of her insisted that he was making a monkey out of her. In the beginning, she tried to shush that voice, but after a while, she realized that the voice had all the reason to suspect Samarth’s intentions. One fine day, she shared her doubts with him. Using his weird charms, yet again, he came up with a solution.

Only a fool would have fallen for such a strange proposition, but our silly Avani fell for his line. In her mind, he was actually making an effort. Hurriedly, she called her younger sister, Tamanna, and asked her if it was okay for her to share her number with Samarth. As expected, she had no problem. Avani had no idea what a stupid move that was. He started “bonding” more with Tamanna than her. Still, Avani had zero doubt about this man. Lack of experience or lack of commonsense? Who knows? The fact of the matter was Avani needed to open her eyes and that, too, very fast.

Avani was growing impatient by the minute. It has been around six months and Samarth had still not offered to meet in person. Meanwhile, her mom had shared Avani’s number with another guy. I liked this guy a lot. He was more handsome than Samarth and he actually cared about Avani. But, Avani being Avani, she wanted her fairy-tale romance with Samarth to be the highlight of her life. She had doubts, but her affection for Samarth outweighed every other emotion. For the love of Avani, I knew I had to bring out the big guns. I even had the perfect plan. If only fate would cooperate this time!

For a few days, I drew her attention toward happy couples who were seemingly happy in each other’s company. I had decided that I would show her what a real relationship looked like. She ended up watching He’s Just Not That into You¹, a Hollywood movie, two times a week — thanks to me and Romedy Now. Even in bookstores, a book would suddenly fall off the bookshelf. When she picked it up, the page would hold the narration of a man’s longing to meet his love. I had tried it all, but I think Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice did the trick. When Mr. Darcy realized his love for Lizzy, that part stirred strong emotions in Avani. She decided that either Samarth would meet her on Sunday or it’s over. Thank heavens!

For the final part of the plan, I managed to get in touch with Samarth. I mean, Samarth’s Guardian Angel (let’s call him SG, for the sake of this story). Oh, you can’t even imagine the things I had to do to meet him. And before you unleash your dirty imagination, hold your horses. Neither you can imagine nor I am allowed to share the details. So, move on! SG’s despondent aura spoke volumes of his failure in guiding Samarth. Although SG didn’t mention anything about my tired aura, I am sure he observed it.

For your benefit, I must share that guardian angels can only meet for a matter of mere minutes. Not more than two minutes. However, not every guardian angel can survive a meeting of two minutes. Young guardian angels can hardly survive a minute. Lucky for us, both I and SG are not young. I asked him to influence Samarth into meeting Avani. He owed her this much, at least. SG agreed but did not promise me anything. In fact, he COULD NOT promise. Samarth was as ignorant as dirt. He rarely noticed signs and paid no heed to the point that a movie was trying to make. Yet, I knew that SG would try his best. And that was all I could ask for.

On Saturday, Avani gave the ultimatum to Samarth. To my relief, he agreed to meet her. Forever a believer in fairy tales, Avani expected that he’d be a gentleman and pick her up from her flat. She had planned a whole speech of how she would respectfully decline his offer to show him that she was a self-sufficient modern lady. But, he did not offer any such courtesy. There went her chance of leaving a mark on history. Seriously, though, this girl cracks me up. It’s beyond me how she expected Samarth to be a gentleman. Anyhow, she decided to focus her energy on choosing an appropriate outfit for her first date with the man of her dreams. He had mentioned that he liked girls in Indian attire so, she selected a beautiful white suit with a blood-red dupatta.

Sunday arrived way too quickly. She rushed in and out of her bathroom with different beauty products to prepare for the day. After taking a long hot shower, she got dressed, put on her favorite MAC Ruby Red, wore her favorite red strappy heels (to make her 5’5″ frame appear tall enough to match his 6 ft. height), and left the house. She walked to the metro station and boarded the metro. Just as she was about to reach her destination, her cell phone beeped. It was a text from Samarth. Avani could not believe what she was reading.

He was bringing his sister to meet her. Why would anyone bring their sister on a first date? She dismissed every negative thought and smiled. Perhaps, he wants to include me in his family. Is he going to propose? Snap out of your delusional world, Avani. You are talking about a guy who didn’t even plan this “date” in the first place. Not to give away any spoiler, but proposal word was nowhere in his vocab, at that time. After a few years, though, he had proposed to Tamanna. That, my friend, is a story for some other time. Right now, you should know that this “date” was the worst one in the history of dates.

Avani met Samarth and his sister in a mall. Yes, for her first “date,” he invited her to a mall. With his sister! At this point, I am ashamed to admit that I do not know if she really was his sister. Maybe it was all a lie. When Samarth saw Avani, his face remained devoid of any emotion. None at all. He mentioned that he was hungry. In her excitement, even Avani had skipped breakfast, and it was 2 PM. She was starving. His desire to leave early was evident by his choice of place to sit and talk. A coffee shop! Instead of treating her for a good lunch, he picked a coffee shop. Call me old-fashioned, but lunch is best served at a restaurant.

To my delight, Avani disliked his personality, instantly. There were too many red flags for her to ignore. His attention was more on the menu than her. Even after ordering the food, he kept looking at the self-service counter. As soon as the food arrived, he gave his undivided attention to his dessert. He could neither start a conversation nor provide a witty input to any ongoing conversation. There was no, as Avani always says, va-va-voom. Last but not the least, he didn’t offer to drop her. Some may raise an eyebrow at her modern woman status but, in the words of Selena Gomez, the heart wants what it wants. Avani’s heart wanted a lot of chivalrous acts from Samarth. Most importantly, though, she wanted him to make her feel special. None of her expectations were met, and thus, ended the most annoying “romantic” chapter of her life. Phew!