Regardless of whether you are meeting me for the first time or you have known me for ages, my smile (or laughter) would be the first thing that you would notice. The simple fact behind it is my tendency to laugh a lot. I am always finding things to laugh about. I hate being serious. That’s why I avoid situations that require me to put my poker face on. I am that girl who is trying to put people at ease with a smile. I am the girl who is upfront with her thoughts and isn’t afraid to speak her mind out. If I know you and I see you tensed, I’ll be the first one to try and ease your mind. I’ll always lend my shoulder for you to cry on, and I’ll always think of ways to bring a smile to your face. I love enjoying life and making people laugh. You will almost always see me upbeat.
However, there is a downside to my nature. When it comes to showing my emotions, I fail miserably. Talking about my problems would always end with me sniffing and crying my eyes out; both the things annoy me. So, what do I do when I am emotional? I would take an irrational decision, cut myself from the external world, cry when nobody’s watching, or — for one very bad day — swallow many pills with a hope to die (yeah, I attempted the worst act of all). Mostly, one of these acts work as an outlet and after a few days, I feel better; however, this time, I am at a crossroads and I have been feeling lost for so long that I don’t know where to go.
The worst part of this situation has been that this time I expressed my dilemma with my loved ones and, for a long time, none of them understood my situation. This lack of acceptance threw me into month-long fits of anger, loss of common-sense, and a complete self-destruction mode. I don’t blame them for not understanding the gravity of the situation because — come to think of it — my problem is not a big one really. I am just bored out of the mind of my job and showing up at work seems like a herculean task to me. I would rather die than go to my current job. Of course, more than half the population is going through the same mindset, and nobody sees them losing their heads; or do they? If a problem is common, does it mean it’s not worth paying attention to? You would think the solution to this problem is simple: quit! But the solution is not that simple. I have been self-dependent for so long that the idea of depending on anyone is not a feasible one. However, continuing in the field, for which I studied so hard, does not sit well with me.
I am not asking for a solution because I know I’ll have to find a solution on my own. Only thing I asked — and have been asking — is a non-judgemental friend/family member/stranger. My husband did not prove to fall into this category. He has been underestimating my state of mind in his ignorance to understand. I am not blaming him even one bit. It’s not easy to handle a person who is losing his wits and is on the verge of a depression. Handling such a person is a task on its own. My parents and sister, however, proved to be my healing angels since last week. My health has been taking a toll since last two months, and I have been going numb. My sister noticed it first and convinced my mom that this is definitely a problem which needs her attention. I spent last few days at the home and have come back with a new fighting spirit. How long would this spirit last? I don’t know, but I know where can I get a refill of my lost wits 🙂
The reason I am writing this long personal story is that I want people to understand that sometimes the best gift they can give someone is their acceptance. If your loved one is down, they do not need a lecture on logic and practical thinking; they need your acceptance more than anything else. When I am depressed or sad, the only words that uplift my mood are, ” I understand.”
Fortunately, there are things that I can do to try and divert my mind from a stressful situation:
- Putting on make-up
- Dressing up
- Calling/meeting my best friends/family
- Reading a book
- Playing with my Pets
- Clicking pictures
- Listening to songs
Although the best remedy remains the virtue of being accepted by one’s loved ones, I think we must find other ways to help ourselves. When the world is not handling us with care, we must find our own source of energy. I know I tried a destructive way to make my problems disappear, but I am ashamed of it and would never recommend anyone to try it. We have one life; let’s live its best possible version. God has blessed us with this life for a purpose: to learn and grow spiritually and mentally. Problems will be there, but this too shall pass. You are a princess. You do not stop being a princess just because a few situations have made your tiara a little crooked. You were born a princess and a royal soul. You would stop being a princess only when you would wish it to happen. Don’t let others affect your personality. Learn from the events and move on. I would have to remind myself of these lines too ❤
Live your life and help others live theirs too. When you see somebody is down, instead of kicking them, offer your hand to life them up. We are humans; let’s handle one another with care.