The day I got married, everybody started “baby talks,” and it was extremely annoying to me for a number of reasons:
- I am not a baby producing machine. I am a human who has just entered a new phase of her life.
- If I would ever be pregnant is nobody’s business but mine.
- Not every girl dreams of bringing a new life into this already crowded world — no offense to anybody!
My womanhood (or any woman’s for that matter) does not need a validation for its existence by giving birth to a child. Our society, since its inception, decided that a woman’s job is to give an heir to her in-laws’ family so that the family tree continues to add new branches to it; however, I wonder why did women agree to this bizarre expectation? One reason that comes to my mind is the fact that almost all women have an inherent quality of motherhood, and most of these women dream of raising their own children. Nevertheless, not all the women have the same dreams and hopes. Some women, like myself, dread the day when they would go through this pain and trouble. But, you know what is their bigger fear? I believe the fear of being considered infertile. The root of this fear comes from the treatment that infertile ladies receive from the society: inconsiderate comments, fake compassion and pity talks.
There are many outrageous traditions prevailed in the society where I come from. Some people forbid infertile women from attending any auspicious occasion with the fear that they might spread this problem to other newlywed ladies; as if, infertility can spread by just looking at a person. In fact, even if it could, I still do not see a harm. It would only help with the increasing population 😉 Well, jokes aside, there are so many options available today that even infertile couples could experience the joy of raising a child. I do not see infertility as a problem; I look at it as a blessing in disguise. If a person is infertile, it means they have been given an option of raising an orphan child as their own. What could be a better way to “give” life?
I have come across many real-life stories, where a woman was divorced because she was unable to conceive, and it broke my heart. You married a woman, pretended to love her, filled her heart with many dreams and hopes only to break her spirit because she could not add one person to your family tree. This is as disturbing as raising a cold-hearted murder. If a man is infertile, his family begins using every known tact to hide his situation; however, if their daughter-in-law is infertile, they begin broadcasting to the whole world. Why? Because, according to the “intelligent” people of our society, it is a woman’s job to give birth; therefore, it’s ok to torment her if she is unable to fulfill her duty.
I am appalled by this belief and hate the fact that ladies feel ashamed if they are infertile. If a woman is unable to conceive a child, that is definitely not an end of the world. The earth is already shaking with the existing load and it does not need more burden. In a way, by not giving birth to a child, you are helping the world. If we take care of the existing load then that is a praiseworthy deed. I urge the ladies, who are unable to conceive a child, to keep their head held high and walk without any signs of shame because there is nothing to be ashamed of. Just be a compassionate, ambitious, accomplished, talented, and beautiful human being. Don’t let yourself be bothered by those insane people who validate your existence by whether or not you were able to carry a life in your womb. That is your womb — functional or not, that is only for you to know and care for. One can be a mother without using her own womb to carry a child. Adopt a child, give them a life that they could not get without your involvement, and love them with all your heart. Infertility is not a disease, and it is definitely not an end of the world.
This blog is to #SpreadAwareness about Infertility through Infertility Dost, India’s first website that facilitates couples to brave infertility with support and knowledge. You can find other links on Write Tribe.