Love Thy Neighbor, But First Love Yourself <3 #FridayReflections

Most of us go out of our ways to enjoy the company of others or to impress others by showing how awesome we are; however, very few of us put even 10% of the effort to enjoy our own company. We tend to enjoy the bliss of being by ourselves and then begin feeling lonely. Of course, I am not suggesting that we can live by ourselves throughout our lives. This is neither a good nor a healthy way to live. Nevertheless, if we cannot cherish a few moments or hours with ourselves, then there is a problem that needs an immediate correction plan.

I have been a lover of spending time with myself throughout my life. However, when I got married, I had a misconception that now, I should not be spending time alone. This was a silly misconception, but the roots of this belief were too deep to ignore. I changed my lifestyle a bit to ensure that my hubby never feels lonely when I am around. Big mistake! Everybody needs some time apart to do whatever their heart wishes for. In my head, I and my husband didn’t need time apart because if you love somebody, you must wish to spend every breathing moment with them. Haha! This is the most absurd notion that ever entered my head. We had a lot of arguments whenever he would suggest that he wanted to spend time with his friends. I would think to myself,”He doesn’t love me if he doesn’t wish to spend time with me. Anyhow, we spend our weekdays in the office and don’t get to spend any significant time with each other. Weekends are the only time when we can be together, and he would rather be with his friends than with me.” If any of my readers feel this way, I must share with you a piece of advice. You must never judge your partner’s love for you based on the time he wishes to spend away from you. The moments when you are together, generally, speaks volume of his love for you. 

Anyway, soon I was tired of beating my head against the same wall and decided to get a life for myself 😉 This is when I met the-ever-happy-and-self-loving me. I realized that there is so much that I would be doing if it wasn’t for my irrational “spend all the time with your love” theory. One cannot love anyone else if they don’t learn to love oneself, first. I had loved me all my life and then decided to put myself in the backseat. This could never work. Now, that I had woken up from my long sleep, I realized that I need to make allowances for terrible ignorance. In fact, my changed attitude strengthened our relationship, as well.

Now, I gladly ask my husband to make plans with his friends, so that I could get some time to do the things that I want to do in an uninterrupted fashion, like –

  1. Writing My Heart Out
  2. Learning French
  3. Trying My Hands on My Keyboard
  4. Spending a Day at a Spa or Beauty Salon
  5. Taking a Long Hot Shower
  6. Watching the TV Shows that My Hubby Hates to Watch — like SATC 😉
  7. Reading a Book
  8. Hanging Out with My Friends
  9. Arranging and Re-arranging my Cupboard
  10. Singing, Loudly and Horribly, and Dancing
  11. Spending a Day Beautifying Myself

One might be having millions of friends in their life, but if you do not love yourself and want to spend some quality time with yourself, your happiness would always be dependent on the presence of others. By learning to love yourself, you are giving the control of your life back to yourself.

P.S. This post is in response to the Friday Reflections prompt – Write a poem or personal essay about what you do when you are alone – do you feel lonely or do you enjoy your own company?

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. It’s important to spend time with the self and love the self before loving others, Ankita. You’ve articulated it so well and I always love spending time with myself, speaking to the self and imagining things in my head. It’s a great booster:)

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