Why is it that we value a person only after they are out of our reach? Wouldn’t it be better if we could hold our mood swings and treasure each moment with them? Of course, it would be, but then how would “life is complicated” hold true? I, for one, have committed the crime of pushing people away due to my anger issues. However, by the grace of God, I make things right before it’s too late. This was not always the case. I have regretted breaking one person’s heart and then not getting the chance to apologize. The silver lining is that I have learned never to take one’s loved one for granted. Moreover, never delay an apology and an act of forgiveness. Nevertheless, I found God’s manner of imparting this lesson very harsh.
I am carrying the burden of not being able to talk to my grandfather in his last moments. What wouldn’t I give to get one chance to apologize to him or just have a normal conversation with him! It breaks my heart to look back on that unfortunate day. It has been almost 12 years since his sad demise, and yet, the pain of losing him remains fresh in my heart. The irony is that the argument we had seems so moronic now. If only, I had the sense to put everything behind and just talk to him. If only, I could have seen what was coming.
My grandfather was the most active person I had ever known. I had rarely seen him bedridden. His solution to every problem was to take a long walk. He rode bicycle till his last day. Perhaps, that was the secret of his fitness. The days, when people used to feel threatened and discouraged by the birth of a girl, he celebrated the birth of me and my sister. I, still, have the pics in which he is carrying me in his arms. My mom tells me how much he enjoyed spending time with me and my sis. Even before we could talk, he would sit and talk to with us for hours. Every evening, we would stand on the balcony waiting for his return from the market because we knew that he would bring seasonal fruits, candies, chocolates, ice creams or any other surprise. The look on his face, while handing over our surprise goodies, was priceless. He celebrated every success of ours. In fact, he would set milestones for us, and if we achieved those, he would gift us with whatever we asked for. I was a studious girl and getting good marks hadn’t been a great deal for me. The best part, however, was my grandfather’s proud eyes when he would look at the scorecard. There is something precious about receiving appreciation from one’s grandparents; I can’t find the right words to express the exact feeling, but it’s inestimable. Although I still find my way to success every now and then, but that extraordinary feeling of accomplishment does not return to me.
My grandfather never liked to dress up, but, to please us, he used to wear his best clothes in each festival. I remember how handsome he would look 🙂 Many traditions discriminate against women, but he did not follow any of those. Once, I spent Diwali (the festival of lights) at a relative’s place. During the time of prayers, they put teeka (a colored paste) on each of their children’s foreheads, but did not do so on me and my sister because, apparently, this honor is only for the boys. Instantly, I remembered how my grandfather never let us feel left out of anything. I respected him even more since then.
I admired — and, still admire — him for his forward thinking. There is nothing that I miss more than the time that I spent in his loving company. I might have missed my chance to make things right with him, but I would hold on to the lesson that his demise taught me. I miss my grandfather and hope that he is in a better place.
A piece of device, dear readers, do not complicate life with petty arguments and grudges. Life is unpredictable; you may not have as much time as you think to honor your loved ones. Love them with all your heart and spread happiness. Let them know how much you cherish their company.
P.S. This post is in response to the Friday Reflections prompt for 27th May’16: Write about someone you miss dearly.