Let the Arranged Marriage Bashing Begin!

In the time span of only two days, I saw two posts on the walls of my friends that mocks arranged marriage. Generally, I get the humor, but these posts did not make me laugh. Probably, the mockery got to my ego. Who knows? One post said,

“Jinka koi nahi hota uski arranged marriage hoti hai.” [The person, who has nobody, gets “arranged marriage.”]

Contradictory to this post, many people choose the path after taking several romantic strolls with [many] their love. So, a lack of options did not force them to select arranged marriage. What made them choose this idea varies from person to person. I, for one, know that I never had any scarcity of options, but I wasn’t desperate to get the tag of love marriage.

In Indian society, arranged marriages have been the preferred choice of the parents. In fact, my grandparents did not even see each other before marriage. That is a scary picture, isn’t it? But, with the changes in time, the restrictions have been removed. Now, parents select a suitable partner for their kid, but the kid has the option to select or reject their choice. In fact, now, kids are allowed to hang out for a while before agreeing to marry. Then, what is about love marriage that makes everyone jump up and down with excitement? In my opinion, the idea of dating is very amusing due to many obvious reasons. The image of a person wooing you, the thrill of waiting for a proposal, the joy of changing the status to committed, and the idea of spending your life with the love of your life are all very fascinating. Perhaps, it seems like a victory when someone wins over your heart. You think that you know the person and, hence, you feel that life would be easier. Last but not the least, when someone asks was your a love marriage or an arranged marriage, you can proudly declare,”Oh, God! Of course, love marriage!” The race to find “the love of your life” sometimes make you blind to the dealbreakers in your committed relationship. How do I know? I have connections and non-fiction books that have accepted that love is blind.

There was another post that found the girls, whose marriage was an arranged one and who declared their love for their husbands, worthy of being mocked,

“I wonder how the statement of a girl changes from how can I marry a man I don’t know to shouting to the world I love this man.”

This post’s wonderment made me to wonder if the people, who have tied the knot in an old-fashioned manner, cannot fall in love with each other? 

You know, I have been the biggest advocate of love. However, I have not been prejudiced against the manner of falling in love. In the simplest words, a marriage is a tradition that provides a companionship. If my mom selected a friend for me, should I not give him a friendship band on friend’s day or should I hide that friend from the radar of my social networking sites because people might judge me? If that friend turned out to be the best one, better than the ones I have been hanging out with, then I don’t see why others should mock my attachment to that friend. Similarly, if I had made horrible choices in finding love, should I trust the wisdom of my parents or should I continue holding onto my one terrible relationship to prove to the world that I, too, can tie a knot through love marriage?

Our love for tags has created troubles all our life, and yet, the attraction of getting a socially applauded tag never loses its charm. It’s funny how we can belittle one another by the manner in which we got married. As if we had fewer things to feel self-conscious about! I would not get into the statistics of the divorce rate based on the type of marriage one does because I do not wish to burst anybody’s bubble including mine. However, I would say that the demon of divorce does not see whether you were married through the much-doubted arranged marriage or much-applauded love marriage then why should mock one and salute another? 

A marriage is a marriage — no tags required! The healthy mindset is to make the decision with all your senses open. Do not agree to a marriage only because you have been dating that person for a long time, and do not reject a person due to the fear of getting the tag of arranged marriage. I did not believe in the idea of an arranged marriage, but now, I can shout at the top of my lungs that I do not regret spending a lifetime with this beautiful person, who went against the wishes of his family and influenced all of them to accept me, even though ours is an “arranged marriage.” Mock me all you want, but I love my husband whom I married through arranged marriage. I choose to have a healthy mindset. Do you?

P.S. This post is in response to the daily post prompt: Healthy

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Dehan Taylor says:

    Wow! I held my breath while reading…now I breathe. This is very deep!
    You love your husband and you have a healthy mindset even though your marriage was arranged and that’s wonderful. There’s nothing wrong with arranged marriages. My dear, LOVE is the greatest and that’s all that matters so don’t be mindful of those who mock…

    1. I was afraid of turning this post into an unorganized and dramatic post, but I am glad that you perceived it as deep. Generally, I do not let senseless mockery get to me; however, these people are mocking how anybody finds a companion, which made me very sad. I am glad that I managed to put that idea across. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

      1. Dehan Taylor says:

        You are welcome

  2. I understand your dilemma a little more here. More than what you have written.. Post as always is very raw Ankita and words always ready to challenge notions. Love your writing style here. Hope to see more!

    1. Thanks, Richa! I leave a few blankspaces for the readers to fill on their own. Sometimes, the thoughts that readers like you share provide me more insight into the topic. Loving your comment, here!

  3. Parul Thakur says:

    Who said arranged marriage is for those who have no option? Love is love – before marriage or after is how I would put it. And we are very quickly to tagging. Very recently, I was asked “You wear mangalsutra to work?” And I replied, “Oh yes! It’s allowed” 😀 I was tagged there cos I was wearing one with a skirt and without a toe ring or sindoor. So see…that’s how you will always be asked one thing or ther other. Can’t help!

    1. What a cute recollection! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  4. I’m not sure why people have to make one thing better than the other! I’ve seen love marriages go awry, almost within a month, and arranged marriages work so well. I was open to both – but neither worked out for the longest time. Finally, at age 41, I arranged my own online (now that’s a whole different subject, no?) 😉

    1. Now, I am intrigued. You must write about your story, some time 🙂

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