There is a wide range of cacophony in each individual’s head. Some special ones have many cacophonies running simultaneously. I belong to this special category most of the days. However, when the record in my head is stuck on one particular track of noise, I have discovered that another track of wonderings helps me. But does that really help me or simply takes away my chance to live in the moment? You must be thinking,”What is she babbling about?” If you had written this post and I was reading it, I would have thought the same. So, allow me to ease your pain and explain.
For the past few months (seem like years, though), I have been thinking a lot about my job. I believe in the idea of following your dream and passion, but what do you do when you are clueless what those are? I tried my hand at freelance writing only to realize I do not wish to write about anything that my heart doesn’t feel passionate about. The only thing that I loved doing (writing) became a chore. Therefore, I stopped it. I cannot chance to lose my love for writing in the hopes of making a career out of it. I have been writing book reviews — that I love a lot. Again, I do not see myself becoming a professional book reviewer: I would absolutely love doing it, but it does not seem practical at the moment. Finally, I have thought about preparing for GMAT and see where it takes me. Trust me when I tell you that these decisions have not been easy. I am still doing my job — a girl’s gotta pay the bills!
I have been so obsessed with finding my dream and passion that the loud and constant noise in my head almost exploded it (my brains, i.e.). The cacophony grew louder every time I thought I had it under control. Nonetheless, this cacophony was replaced with another louder and stronger noise when I heard about the sad demise of my best friend. It made me wonder about the uncertainty of the life. We have been thinking about our future and whining about how monotonous our lives had become. There have been many fights between us regarding this and that. I was reassessing how strong our friendship is and if I should distance myself from him. You see, we have become so indulged in each other’s lives that the idea that he is planning to go to another country has been too much for me. Hence, the thought of distancing myself from this friendship crossed my head. While I was contemplating the “most important” decision of my life, he was getting the news of his father’s demise. With this news, everything changed in the blink of an eye. Now the thoughts of career have evaporated from my head and many other thoughts have claimed my head as their private property.
I am thinking of ways to help him recover. Given that he doesn’t wish to see anybody right now, we (his friends) are really out of options. The idea of calling/texting him terrifies me. I do not wish to accidentally mess his process of grieving. If I do something, it might not help him. If I do not do anything then what kind of a friend I am. I tried to find the guidance of our eternal guide: google. The result showed all the things that I already know but do not wish to accept.
Anyway, while I am finding ways to help him, a feeble voice in my head is reminding me that I must learn to put my negative thoughts aside always. I have been in a similar situation once, where my anger made me do something and then it was too late to apologize or take back my words. Did I learn anything from it? Well, I thought I did but here I am again. At least, this time it’s not too late to repent.
We are running and using our brains for many things every day: reaching the office on time, submitting the assignment on time, planning for a revenge (may be), getting a promotion at work, etc. We are thinking that we have everything figured out. But, then out of nowhere, something always sneaks up on us that we didn’t prepare ourselves for. We all have the wisdom inside of us — like, “live in the moment” is known to all of us, but how many of us implement it. Next time, we find ourselves postponing a trip to our parents or catching up with a friend who needs us, shouldn’t we ask ourselves, “Would we be able to live with ourselves if we don’t get another chance to see our loved ones? What if this is our last chance?” Of course, there is a mastermind at work who makes us dance to his tunes, but at least we must try our best to follow our heart. I know it’s always easier said than done. I am a living example of this hypocrisy. I have all the right answers until I am the one asking the questions. See, another attack of cacophony! I don’t know when to stop.
With everything being said and done, the life boils down to only passing the time that has been assigned to us. I remember the tagline of 100 Pipers’ commercial: be remembered for good. Instead of trying to show ourselves superior and/or others’ inferiors, shouldn’t we strive to be remembered for good? How, when and where are the tidbits that we would have to figure out. Like the title said, the cure for a cacophony is another cacophony. I would gladly replace the ongoing mayhem inside my head with the thoughts of how to be remembered for good.
This post is in response to the Friday reflections prompt of the week: Cacophony. The link to the blog of the week of our wonderful host, Sanch, is http://www.livingmyimperfectlife.com/walking-away-woes/